We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize