I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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