I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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