Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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