just tell him i said nine months
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize