I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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