i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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