My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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