Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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