i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize