I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
