so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
