drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hippo gnu deer
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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