That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
