I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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