My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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