Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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