I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
