So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
