Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
