Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
