Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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