I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
