see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
