Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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