How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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