I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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