My balls are so social today.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
