help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
