we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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