I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
