You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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