You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
