I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
