I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
