Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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