True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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