I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
