If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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