I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
