therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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