in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
