you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
