Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
