I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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