Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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