they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
