I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
