I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You took a bar mat shot.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
