Plan B is the new Plan A
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
