I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
