shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
