Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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