Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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