Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
