im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
