I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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