I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
