wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
