Nicole vs. Life
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
