i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize