well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
