I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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