I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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