one word: firstdatebathroomanal
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
