Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
