I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
