what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
