I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize