dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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