So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize