Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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