i used baking grease as lip gloss
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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