Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
