you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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