She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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