Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
