i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
