seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
