either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize