There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
