I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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