She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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