dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He passed out mid-signature
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
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