i barfeds in our rink
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
