just tell him i said nine months
that's an acceptable place to lick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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