I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
