I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize