I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize