You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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