Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
