Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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