I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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