Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize