Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
