i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
