i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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